Your Kids Will Surprise You

One of the advantages of having adult children is that I can now counsel other parents from a place of experience and wisdom.

“No,” I tell the concerned parent sitting in my home office, “your disorganized 14-year-old is not destined for a life of chaos.”

“Your C student daughter will not be unemployed.”

“Your son who switched majors twice will eventually figure things out.”

“No, a low SAT score does not predict job failure. “

“Your talented teen who quit violin may pick it up down the road.”

Then, I share hopeful anecdotes about the students I’ve worked with over the years…including my own children. How their brains mature. How they eventually find their path. How they surprise you. 

My youngest child was shy, an observer. Self-conscious. She refused to sing in her kindergarten music class. She wouldn’t sit for school photos. Didn’t like us to videotape her. For years she studied ballet–no talking or singing required in the performances.

Then, as Audrey hit her teens, she got interested in acting and filmmaking. She began performing in stage plays. She arranged for her own professional headshots!  I became the reluctant stage mom, driving her to auditions and acting classes, waiting hours on set when she worked as a movie extra.

She graduated from NYU Tisch School of the Arts.

Who knew?

My oldest child Emily Leah spent hours reading, drawing, writing, ph0tographing, and creating amazing things. The older she got, the less interested she was in exercising. I fretted.

I tried to be a good role model. Signed her up for a gym membership. “Get up and move,” I’d say as she sat hours editing her own girls’ magazine.

Even into her adulthood, I’d casually ask over the phone: “So, are you finding any time to work out? Yoga class? Oh, sounds good.” 

Then, last year, I learned that this daughter, now a busy mother of many, had taken up running! (Her father did this for years) Even her siblings’ jaw dropped upon hearing the news. And, my daughter reported that she was enjoying the endorphins! She even outfitted herself with proper shoes(Another area I bugged her about).

Later, she announced she was running a 5K!

Who knew?

At my middle child’s one year checkup, the pediatrician deemed him a “motor skills genius”. Sam was always on the move, wielding a stick, play sword, or light saber in his hand. He excelled in karate, fencing, and basketball. We thought of him as an athlete, even though he was talented in chess and piano playing, and a voracious reader.

During college, while also training with the fencing team, Sam took a short story course. He began asking me questions about fiction writing. We talked about the authors we liked.

I soon discovered my son was a closet writer! 

Flash forward today. Sam has just published his debut fantasy novel, Born of Broken Chains. It was a long time in the works, evolving as he evolved.

Who knew?  

As parents we have visions for our kids.

We’re quick to future forecast. She’s going to be a singer! She’s a lawyer-in-training.  Will you look at that budding scientist? 

Parenting is a long bumpy road. Our children will struggle along the way. Here’s my two cents: Keep looking ahead. Breathe deeply. Have faith. Nourish your children’s creativity and talents. Try not to compare.

Most of all, though, let your kids (and grandkids, nieces, nephews, students) surprise you. 

Learn more about Sam’s book here.